CD 7

So I work in childcare and in the infant room. A job I got after loosing Kaitlin. I knew taking the job that I could have to deal with newborns or children born around the same time Kaitlin would have been. I haven't up until this week. We got a new little one. He is 4 months old. He actually just turned 4 months. He was born a month after Kaitlin should have been. So he's served as a reminder of what I lost in February. If it wasn't for the fact that he cried or my other one cried on and off through out the day I think I would have cried too. It was bitter sweet to say the least. It makes me want one more, but it also makes my arms ache for the one I lost. At this point, looking at him I don't know if I will ever be ready to see the little girl born to DH's cousin a few months after Kaitlin should have been. Atleast this one is a boy. I can't imagine looking at a little girl with the same hair color Kaitlin had. The boy has red hair. When I look at his blue eyes I can see her starring back at me, it's weird. I've been avoiding as much as possible all of the little babies. When I see them in stores I look away. Older ones I can deal with, but the little bundled ones I can't look at. It just reminds me too much of the day I held her all bundled.

So today was rough and I have back again on Thursday, but Thursday is a half day for me.